Do you feel like a #GuiltyMom?
At some point in motherhood, we all feel like the #GuiltyMom. Let’s be real, most of us feel it at some point each week. Maybe each day? Well I’m here to get that guilty mom feeling in check. What the heck are you feeling guilty about? I know women who feel guilty because they didn’t breastfeed and others who feel guilty that they did it for too long. I know moms who feel guilty for working and others who feel guilty for staying home. I have one friend who feels guilty that she bought her middle schooler an iphone and another friend who feels guilty that she cannot afford one. The list goes on. This guilt does not serve you. Or your family. So let’s take a moment to better understand where it comes from.
Stop Comparing Yourself
Do not compare yourself to any other mama. Only YOU are mom to your kids. You are different. Your kids are different. Your family is different. You cannot not compare yourself to any other situation. You are not in her shoes and she is not in yours. In a world where every vacation and shiny moment is posted on social media, it’s hard not to compare. The grass is always greener on the other side; until you get to the other side. Social media is just someone’s highlight reel. And even that isn’t necessarily real. She took 50 pictures of that perfect latte. Comparison is a thief of joy.
Let Go Of Perfection
There is no perfect. None. Not even a little. That friend who has the immaculate house probably vacuumed and threw everything in a closet before you walked in. And if it does always look like that, then she drops the ball somewhere else. Because we all drop the ball. Not one mama does it all perfect. Life is messy. The best memories happen in the messy moms. Look at your life and pay attention to what is realistic, what is attainable in your age and stage of motherhood.
Stop Should’ing on Yourself
I shouldn’t let my kids watch so much TV. I should be working out more. I should make more homemade dinners. Should is basically a four letter word. Is it something you truly want? Or just what you think others expect of you? If you keep having the gut feeling that your kids are watching too much tv, then by all means, do something about it. Put a line in the sand and decide when they are going to watch TV. But if it’s because you are comparing yourself to others, then let it go.
We are not characters on a family sitcom. And we are not all playing on the same playing field. Every one of us has different experiences. Every one of us has different resources. The point I’m trying to make is that there is no reason for guilt. We hold ourselves to such high standards. I’m all for growing and getting better. But may I remind you that this whole parenting thing is legit hard and we are all going to mess up. If you have guilt because of a valid reason for something you regret, then own it, do your best to fix it and move on. But please think about what matters most to you and to your family and realize that you prioritize based on those needs.
The rest, we need to let go.
Our children are amazingly resilient and forgiving.
If you love them, it will all work out!